A newly Stay at Home Mom....

I don't know if anyone else relates, but it is a big life change to become a stay at home Mom. Scratch that. It is a really big life change to become a mom altogether. To gain these two little beings and grow our family is just the best life change I can think of. When you have a baby, in 2013, now 2014, a lot of things in the economy can weigh heavily on the decisions we have to make. I guess what I am saying is, it's a financial tug of war. I am used to being a working mom and having a daycare program that was one I liked and trusted greatly but also, almost constantly made me feel guilty in that my little one was in their care almost 60 hours a week. We were slaves to our routine and bedtimes, baths and schedules. I loved and cherished our time at home together, at night, however, and weekends. That time was so so precious. I was also struggling financially, in that I was in a team of other salespeople (I was in inside sales at an industrial adhesives company) who mostly did not have children. I was the only one who did not have a school aged child in my team, and in the team down the hall in customer service. I think what I discovered was that at my payscale, most people wouldn't pay for full-time daycare at the rate we were making. So even though I was helping my household with finances, I wasn't making as big of a dent as I would like to have been, because of the cost of daycare. So when it came to keeping up with coworkers, with the clothes, lunches, excursions off of campus, it was not something I could partake in, all the way. Mostly, that was ok with me, because I was so happy being a mom and when I had extra time, I wanted to be with my husband and my little girl. I also saw the hustle of people in roles above me, and felt like that world did not appeal to me because of the travel and the stress for the extra, (I'm sure)padding to their salaries. So it wasn't a hard decision for me to walk away from that world when my son entered the picture. I was so thrilled to be a new mom again, and yet, I can't help the new and different guilt that all the financial pressure is put on my husband. So there it is, vent over. I love my babies so much, but I still think like a working mom, when I'm shopping, buying frivolously and I know I have to stop, adjusst and align my thinking to our new vision and support my husband who is working so so hard. I know the work I could be doing is still there, and I can hop back on the trolley at some point. For right now, this does feel right, in so many ways. I think with anything, it just takes time. I am a perfectionist, maybe a little bit, by nature, so what I do, I really want to do well. I am definitely, without a doubt, still a work in progress